


Pulling the Heartstrings (and making the heart ache for you)

by Gemini_Baby



Series: Flufftober 2020 [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Baby Jason Todd, Dialogue Heavy, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Flufftober, Flufftober2020, Gen, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Jason Todd is Robin, Jason Todd-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:53:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26797654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemini_Baby/pseuds/Gemini_Baby
Summary: Bruce and Jason fight with each other. Nothing changes the fact that they love and care for each other.
Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne
Series: Flufftober 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022917
Comments: 7
Kudos: 65
Collections: Flufftober2020





	Pulling the Heartstrings (and making the heart ache for you)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Flufftober 2020's prompt, "But you said"
> 
> I wish to further explore and expand this fic later on, i.e. add more descriptions and scenes to it. I might do this after a couple of months. I am aiming that this fic will get a rewrite. But don't worry, _this_ piece is not going anywhere.  
> If I get to write and post the rewrite, it would be separately. Hopefully
> 
> Also, I tried to portray them both as humans making mistakes. Neither of them is a monster. 
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoy <3

“What are you doing here?” Jason asks, hesitating. He is on the bed. He looks sad.

“Checking on you,” Bruce tells him as he enters Jason’s room.

“Why?” Jason asks as if he doesn’t believe that Bruce would check on him. Or maybe he is scared about something.

“Why not?” Bruce asks as he sits on the edge of the bed.

“Don’t pretend as if you care”, Jason says but Bruce can hear the slight fear that Bruce might actually not care. It breaks Bruce’s heart. But Jason’s heart, when he arrived at the manor, was already shattered into countless tiny shards and he was all but holding them with the tape of strength, bravado and insecurity. 

“But I care.” Bruce tells him. Because he does care. And this is Bruce’s kid, his child he is talking about. Of course, he cares.

“But you said that I am grounded.”

Jason said the word grounded but not without a shudder that goes through all his body. Bruce is confused for a moment. Then, it finally clicks.  _ Oh. _

“Grounded doesn’t mean unloved Jaylad.”

“Hmph”

“Why did you ground me? You said it doesn’t mean unloved but - “

“Maybe grounding was just an excuse”

“Excuse?”

“So that I could tuck you in and so that you could have a night off tonight”

“You should take the night off too!”

“Do you want me to?”

“...yes?”

“Alright.” With that Bruce flops down next to Jason.

Pulling Jason closer to him, he kisses his forehead. Jason leans into the embrace. He puts his head near Bruce’s heart, hearing it intently like it is a lullaby. Maybe it is. Because it soothes him. The same way Bruce’s humming right now is soothing him as he cards his fingers through Jason’s curls.

Jason feels safe. He feels as if he is home. He lets the lullaby of the heartbeat and the hummings of his dad soothe his worries and trusts them to keep nightmares and danger away from him. He closes his eyes and soon finds himself in the gardens of dreamland.

  
  
  
  
  


“Slow down, Jay.”

“B - “

“You have all the time in the world. Just eat slow. Don’t want you to get hurt.”

“You are with me. No one can hurt me.”

  
  
  
  


“You are going somewhere”

“I have to leave for a mission”

“But you said that you will take me to the library on the weekend”

“I will return before the weekend and will take you to the library  _ and  _ bookshop”

“Thanks, Dad”

Bruce’s heart races. He gets a feeling inside him. Warm, loving. He tries not to cry.

He cries.

They are good tears.

Bruce has to wipe them soon because he needs to leave for the mission.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Jay”

“Shh B”

“You need to rest”

“I am resting. But I need to go-”

“No. I need to go. But you need to rest”

“You are going? Where are you going?”

“Sshh. Nowhere. I am here”

“But you said you have to go.”

"It doesn't matter, Dad. Now relax and sleep" 

"But I fear you will go away. As you often do. These nights." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I am not staying.”

“Jason”

“I am going back.”

“Stay.”

“I don’t want to.”

“What do I need to do to make you stay Jason?”

“I...don’t think there is anything you can do to make me stay.”

  
  
  


“Jay. Jaylad?”

“Yeah, Old Man. I am here.”

“You...aren’t really here.”

“ _ Yeah! It’s my ghost.” _

Bruce takes deep breaths.

The next day Bruce wakes up, Jason is actually at his side.

_ Real! Real!  _ His mind screams.  _ Not a fragment of my imagination that would fade away. Norr the product of any hallucination which would wither away. _

Real. Alive. Breathing. Living.

Bruce takes deep breaths. And his heart does that thing which it used to do when Jason was small and used to make him laugh.

  
  
  
  


“You came?”

“I don’t understand.”

“You came and you stayed.”

“Yeah?”

“But you said - “

“B- Dad, You are not feeling well. Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“But you said”

Jason leans down and plants a kiss on his forehead, “Sshh”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“I am not going to talk to you”

  
  
  


“But you said -”

“Your leg is broken”

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “I am angry at you” _

“ _ I am angry, too. I don’t want to do anything with you!” _

_ “Me neither!” _

“Fine. I will show myself out.”

“My place is not  _ in _ here anyway.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“You are here.”

  
  


“Go away”

“I am not going anywhere.”

“Jason...Jay let me help.”

“But you said you don’t want to do anything with me. And you are angry with me too”

“I was angry, yes. Maybe I still am”

“See”

“But that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you. Or that I have stopped loving you”

  
  


“You should stop though”

“I don’t underst - ”

“Stop and save yourself from the pain”

“What pain, Jaylad?”

“Loving me.”

“ _ Jay.” _

“Loving me brings suffering and pain. Stop loving me altogether.”

“ _ Jaylad” _

“Stop yourself from this pain, from this cruel fate”

“ _ Never _ ”

“Don’t be stubborn for once!”

“Loving you is not a pain, son. It is a blessing.”

“Only fools call a curse a blessing”

“You are a blessing. Loving you is a blessing”

“You will get yourself hurt”

“Right now,  _ you _ are getting yourself hurt”

“I…..”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Why are you here?”

“You are injured. Badly.”

“So?”

“And you have no one to attend to your wounds”

“These wounds are not what  _ aches _ ”

“We can talk after I have attended to them”

“You shouldn’t”

“Why not?”

“Because I got them in the way that goes against all your wishes and code”

“That doesn’t matter”

“But it matters to you”

  
  
  
  
  


“Jason, slow down. You will choke on the burgers otherwise.”

“Can’t”

“Jason”

“Let me devour them and the feeling”

“Eat slowly.”

“I am not slowing down, Old Man”

“Jay, you have all the time in the world. Eat slowly. Otherwise, you could choke on it”

“Said that last time too.” Bruce hears a mumbled “Turned out didn’t have enough time and was choking on blood and smoke anyway.”

  
  
  


Jason falls asleep on the couch. Bruce wants to move him. He wants to pick him up, and carry him to his bedroom upstairs. He wants to tuck him in, there. Like old times. Tucking Jason in the bed, brushing his hair from his forehead and planting a kiss to his forehead. Bruce closes his eyes. Jason is a small child again, and Bruce is much younger.

Bruce opens his eyes. Jason is an adult. He is heavier these days. Bruce’s knees ache, crack and wobble too much these days. He doesn’t end up carrying him to the bed. Bruce has opened his eyes. He wishes he could keep them closed. But he has been keeping his eyes closed too long, for a long time. Trying to deny reality. But it’s hurting the people he loves. 

He sees Jason and every time he sees his son, along with the infinite amount of warmth and surge of love inside him, there blooms a deep hatred for himself. He is the reason his son tries to choke back sobs at night. The reason why he longingly look at his siblings sometimes, with quick glances when he thinks no one is watching. No. When he thinks no one is bothered to even watch him. It hurts to admit but most of the time Jason is right in his assessment. Bruce shakes his head, trying to swallow the lump or will it to go away.

He approaches the couch and adjusts Jason’s position. Then he covers him with a blanket and puts a pillow beneath his head for support.

He drops a kiss into Jason’s hair and walks to his room, leaving a part of himself behind. As he always does.

Whenever it comes to Jason and Bruce has to turn and leave or any reason, he feels a part of himself gone. He doesn’t deserve to be whole anyways, he thinks.

  
  
  


_ “But you said you will love me. That you will always love me.” _

_ Bruce doesn’t have the heart to say that yes, he loves him. Still loves him. Even many times than before. But he also has started to hate himself more. _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it 💖
> 
> Kudos, comments, bookmarks, user subscriptions are all welcome and appreciated
> 
> If you want to say hi on tumblr or follow me there, I am geminibabyhere


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